hate mail to loss

dear loss, i hate you i never want to talk to you again

every night i toss and turn in my bed thinking i’ll never be able to hold myself up ever again and every morning i wake up and do exactly that.

thats the bitter thing about loss, the world doesn’t stop for anyone else but yours somehow becomes stuck.

you can hate it, you can curse at the gods, you can be angry, sad and drag yourself through hell but nothing will change what happened.

what is gone will still be gone

you cannot live with the wishing lodged in your heart and assume it won’t spread like a poison into your life and everyone but it will.

letting go without the closure you wanted is hard but if you love something that much honestly, no amount of closure will ever be enough.

the moment we start to love something or someone, we know it in our heart that there is a reality in which we’ll loose it, through death, distance, time, choice or circumstances. you always know that this possibility exists.

we bury the thought of losing something because we can’t imagine going through it.

but when u love something, you know there is going to be a day where it just wont be there anymore. no explanation, no warning just nowhere to be found

i wish there could be a loss and found for the things you had to let go without wishing or wanting it. i wish there was a place you could put your love instead of it just being memories

but there isn’t.

things don’t change just because you cry about them or hate them or spend your time wishing. life doesn’t return you anything no matter how much you beg.

you can regret everything, you can wish for it back, you can cry about it, you can spend years wishing for just one more hug, one more conversation, one more touch

but you will have to let go, you cannot bargain with life.

not because letting go is some virtue

not because its only fair

not because its the right thing to do

but because the alternative is spending your entire life holding onto something you know you cannot have.

whats gone will always be gone

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thanks for reading my rant.